


Snow in Spring

by Selkies_song



Series: The School of Magic [2]
Category: Original Work, School of Magic (Original Work)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural Elements, implied/referenced heart attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24434788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selkies_song/pseuds/Selkies_song
Summary: Chandler always hated the winter sleep. For three months he was helpless and vulnerable. For three months, he wasn't there to help protect his family.When his greatest fear comes to pass, he must somehow learn to pick up the pieces and continue on without his other half.
Relationships: Chandler/Don (School of Magic), Crian/Maya (School of Magic)
Series: The School of Magic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526792
Kudos: 1





	Snow in Spring

**Author's Note:**

> This is an angsty AU of the School of Magic world that I got a little carried away with; I may follow up with a part 2 sometime.

Lanayru bit her lip hard, pressing her head deeper into her pillow and trying to ignore the frantic cries for help coming from outside. The night had been quiet and still up to that point, and for everyone else, it still was.

As she’d grown older, she’d stopped being as open about her ability to see and communicate with those that had passed. At some point she’d started to notice the emotional strain it put on both the living and the dead, and so she’d started to keep it to herself. She felt the strain a bit herself now that some of those only she could see had been people she’d once known in life.

The desperate pleas tore at her, but she still hesitated.

Maybe it would be better to let things take the course they would. Maybe it would be less painful if the two that had seemed so insperatable in life could be together again.

But then she thought of her best friend sleeping just feet away. The same friend who’d broken down mere hours ago, and who’d had to take solace in the arms of Lanayru’s parents because her own had been torn apart by tragedy. Could she just sit back and let Naru lose even more than she already had?

The cries continued. She’d never heard the big man sound so desperate.

Finally she stirred, quietly slipping out of bed and heading for her parents’ room. Her father woke quickly when she shook his arm and blinked at her in surprise.

“Lana? What is it?”

“Daddy, we need to check on Uncle Chandler.”

Her father squinted at her, as if unsure that he’d heard her correctly. “Chandler?”

She nodded. “He’s by the cliffs.”

It was then that her mother stirred. “Hmmm? Is something wrong?” she asked sleepily, brushing stray wisps of reddish hair from her face. Her father had gone still, his mind waking up the rest of the way in a blink at the implications of what Lana had just stated.

"Maya,” he said, turning to her mother. “Could you go wake Ryo and send him out there to meet me? I’m going straight there.” She nodded in assent, her expression growing worried as the last of her own sleepiness faded and she caught on to the urgency of the situation. He turned back to Lanayru, his expression gentling. “Thanks for waking me, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back to bed, okay?” She hesitated, before nodding and shuffling off.

* * *

Chandler had known something was wrong the moment he woke up to that dark, stale smelling room. For the last three years, Don had always made a point of moving him back out to the window seat when he began to show signs of waking from his winter state. Don always wanted Chandler to wake up to daylight, to the sounds of his loved ones nearby, and to the smell of a much needed meal waiting for him.

Slowly, Chandler sat up, practically vibrating with apprehension and dread. He was alone. He never woke up alone.

Frowning, he forced himself to shaky, bony legs and moved to the door. The house was too quiet--too still.

Silently he headed down the hall, rounded the corner into the living area, and paused when he saw his sister sitting at the table, her head in her hand.

Ice prickled down Chandler’s spine but he forcefully ignored it. There was some explanation. There had to be.

Melissa heard him then and whipped around. “Oh--you’re awake,” she greeted. Her voice sounded thick. Her eyes looked red.

“Where’s Don?”

She hesitated. “You...you should sit dow-”

“-where is he?” Chandler interrupted, his entire body tingling with panic. His own voice sounded foreign to him.

“Chandler...I’m so--”

“--I’m going to find him,” he interrupt again, moving for his coat. Maybe he was out getting wood. Maybe he and Naru were out playing. Yes. That had to be it.

“W-wait!” Melissa cried in dismay, getting to her feet to try and stop him. He shrugged away from her, anger rising in his chest. He would find Don, and everything would be fine.

He ignored anyone who tried to talk to him, though most didn’t even try. He ignored the worried, sad looks, looking instead for Don’s familiar, stubble-covered face. The more time that passed with no sign of the blond, the more frantic Chandler began to feel. He had to be here; he had to be somewhere.

Eventually his search brought him into the woods, even as gentle snowflakes began to fall and the chilly early spring weather started to leech into him. He listened for the steady sound of an axe on wood, but heard nothing, only the distant trilling of a lone bird.

Don...please; where are you?

“Chandler.”

The brunette spun around to find Crian standing there, watching him. There was a strange expression on his old rival’s face; a mix of pity and resignation.

He hated it.

“What do you want?” Chandler growled, immediately feeling defensive. Scared.

“Chandler, listen to me,” the other man said quietly. “Don isn’t here.”

“Then where is he?” the brunette demanded.

“He’s dead.”

The words physically staggered Chandler back a step, pale eyes widening as he stared at Crian. Some part of him deep down had suspected. Had feared. Had known. But hearing the words stated aloud knocked the very air from his lungs.

“I’m sorry,” Crian added quietly. “He...he was shoveling snow a few weeks ago and just...collapsed. There was nothing we cou-”

“LIAR!” Chandler screamed, his expression contorted in rage even as his eyes welled with tears. “YOU DAMN BASTARD, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!”

“I’m not lying,” Crian said softly, weathering the outburst impassively. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t believe you, you hear me? I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” Chandler yelled, taking a threatening step at the other boy as his breath clouded like dragon’s smoke. “He’s. Not. Gone. He can’t be. You--you’re just doing this to screw with me,” he accused. “Well it’s not going to work, you goddess-damned asshole!”

He couldn’t even remember the words he hurled at the other boy after that; at some point it just dissolved into jumbled nonsense. And when his throat became so raw that he could barely make a sound, he left Crian behind to flee deeper into the woods, barely able to see through the tears in his eyes.

His very existence seemed to blur, and when he came back to himself he was staring up at the sky, too exhausted to move. He thought he heard voices calling out for him as he laid listless on the wet ground, watching the snow drift down around him and his shuddering breaths rise in clouds of fog, but he didn’t care. Apathy fell over him like a dark cloud as his eyes closed.

If it was true, then he never wanted to get up.

He woke in an unfamiliar bed. Everything hurt. A quick glance down and he saw his hands had been bandaged. Mutilated skin stung beneath the wraps. He could scarcely remember venting his anger and pain on some innocent tree--it hadn’t even registered that he’d hurt himself in the process.

So it hadn’t been a dream...

Hours melted by. People came and went, offering words of comfort that he couldn’t hear. He wasn’t even sure he could name who’d stopped by; it felt like there was a cavern miles wide between him and everything else.

Eventually he left, able to slip out through a window unnoticed, and made his way home.

The empty house was cold. He didn’t even care enough to stoke a fire, and simply headed for the bedroom.

For a long moment he simply stood in the doorway and gazed at the empty bed. The curtains were partly closed, leaving the room shrouded in a dim light.

His feet took those last few steps. Slowly he laid down on top of the blankets and curled up on his side so that he was facing the empty space where Don would normally sleep. After a moment, he reached for Don’s pillow and dragged it across the bedding to clutch it tightly to his chest. He’d always hated the concept of crying, but he couldn’t help it now as the sobs wrenched themselves from his throat, muted by the pillow he desperately clung to.

It was dark when he woke again. Someone had tucked a throw blanket over him as he’d slept. The soft glow in the doorway left him to assume that a fire had been stoked in the living area fireplace. A glass of water and couple of rolls had been left on the nightstand.

For a moment, he forgot. For a moment he felt a small warmth, thinking that he must have dozed off before dinner and Don had found him here and left him to rest.

But then the dampness of the pillow he was still holding and the itchiness of his eyes reminded him, and the grief stole his breath and tore open his chest all over again.

Don had promised him that he’d be here. Chandler’s fingers tightened their grip on the pillow, the pain in his mutilated hands barely registering. Hot tears welled in his eyes. “You promised,” he whispered brokenly. It didn’t seem possible that Don would just...disappear. Some part of him was still waiting to just wake up from this horrible nightmare, or for Don to walk into the room and grin at him like he’d done so many times before.

It wasn’t fair. 

He should have been there when it had happened. He should have been there to help.

He hadn’t even had a chance to properly say goodbye.

He barely moved from that room for days. Melissa would check on him every morning and night, trying to at least coax him into drinking some water. She always managed it, but she suspected he did it just to get her to leave him alone rather than out of any real desire to take care of himself. And he wouldn’t talk to anyone, sister or not.

Days had bled into weeks when he couldn’t take it anymore. He waited until it was late before slipping out of the empty house and heading into the woods. His feet took him down a well worn path to the very edge of the forest and up a short incline to an area they all simply referred to as “the cliffs”. During the day the waves crashing on rocks would carry easily to the top, but the water was still, now.

Chandler stood at the edge and looked down, tears welling again as he considered his next move. For hours, he lingered there, watching the moonlight shimmering on the water’s surface below.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered. “Not now. Not without you.

Don, I’m so sorry…"

* * *

Crian was afraid of what he might find as he raced along the wooded trail to the cliffs. Would he be too late?

They’d worried about something like this happening. They were all grieved at the sudden loss over the winter, but they knew Chandler would be beyond devastated. Crian remembered that first day; the brunette seemed to know the moment he’d woken up that something wasn’t right. He hadn’t even allowed Melissa to tell him what had happened before he’d rushed out, growing more and more desperate as he’d searched in vain for his partner.

Crian had been the one to catch up to Chandler in the woods surrounding the settlement. He’d been the one to break the news--to say aloud what he suspected Chandler already knew on some level.

The brunette had not taken it well, to say the least. He’d yelled and screamed at Crian for what felt like hours. Crian had only stood quietly and taken it, knowing the brunette didn’t mean a word of it. His own heart ached in empathy as it stretched on and on, until Chandler’s voice had been lost and his hands were bloody and raw from punching trees and his body gave in to exhaustion and cold, still starved and weak from sleeping all winter.

Since then, Chandler had hardly said a word to anyone. Not even Ryo, with all his patient experience, and perhaps knowing better than anyone the sort of pain the brunette was in, could manage to break through. Sometimes Crian wondered if the other mage was even aware of what was happening around him.

Crian and Maya had been watching over little Naru since Don had fallen, and for now that arrangement hadn’t changed; the couple had been unsure if Chandler could deal with the responsibility of taking care of his daughter just now, but the arrangement was clearly not doing Naru many favors, and things with Chandler hadn’t been getting much better.

The brunette seemed completely unreachable. Crian could only hope that he could reach him, now.

Crian rounded the last corner in the trail, hardly daring to breathe. When he saw the brunette’s shadowy silhouette sitting quietly at the edge, he nearly tripped in sheer relief.

Chandler glanced back at the sound of the man approaching. “...Crian?” he whispered with soft surprise. “But..how’d you…”

Crian shook his head slightly, still trying to catch his breath from the late-night run. “Let’s just say a little bird told me.” He approached carefully, looking for any sign that Chandler would react poorly, but it seemed his worries were unfounded.

Chandler simply continued to watch him, frowning ever so slightly as if trying to figure something out. Then his eyes widened and Crian felt his heart lurch at the tears he saw welling up.

“Lana…” Chandler whispered, more to himself than Crian as he looked out across the ocean again. “He...he told her…” It seemed to be taking every ounce of his strength not to crumble at the thought.

“Probably,” Crian admitted, carefully sitting down an arm’s length away. He didn’t want to crowd Chandler--especially not when he had already said more in those few seconds than he had in weeks. “She..doesn’t really talk about it, anymore. Who she can see, I mean. Look, I know it’s tempting, but don’t pressure her about it, okay?”

The brunette hesitated a moment, before finally nodding that he’d leave the young girl alone. He wasn’t sure he could handle it just then, anyways.

“Chandler, I gotta ask….what are you doing out here?” Crian asked gently. It felt intimidating to put words to his fear, but he knew they were beyond the point of beating around the bush. “Were you…going to jump?”

There was a long silence before the brunette breathed out a quiet sigh.

“I thought about it,” he admitted softly. “But...I don’t think he’d ever forgive me, if I did.”

Silence fell over the pair as Crian considered those words. It was honestly a bit of a shock that Chandler was being so open, but then maybe he'd realized that he needed to be. The brunette was as fragile as Crian had ever seen him, and he feared saying the wrong thing, but it was up to him now to try and reach out.

“It’s hard to imagine him being angry at you about anything, but...well…I think he’d much rather you stay here and watch over Naru, now that he can’t.”

Chandler merely nodded slightly in agreement, having realized the same.

“Speaking of Naru,” Crian added carefully, “she needs you, Chandler. We’ve been trying to give you time to process but you really do need to see her.”

Chandler’s voice trembled when he responded. “It’s not that I don’t care,” he whispered. “I just...don’t know how I...how could I possibly help her, when I'm...” he gestured helplessly, his throat growing too thick to speak past.

“I get that,” Crian soothed. “But I can tell you from experience that just being there and willing to go through this with her will help you both more than you know. She’s way too young to have to do this on her own. There’s a lot of folks on this island that are willing to help you however we can, but you’re the only one who can really help her. She’s already lost one of you.”

Chandler merely nodded again, a tear catching the moonlight as it trickled down his cheek.

Crian noticed then that the other man was clutching something in his hand; A small circle of wood, stringed with a loop of thin leather.

“Don was wearing something just like that,” he observed quietly, looking back up at the brunette’s face.

“...they were our rings,” Chandler whispered, his voice thin and shaky. “I made them for us, our first year here.” He swallowed thickly, struggling with the next question, but needing to know. “You left it with him, right? When you...you b-buried him?”

“Yes,” Crian answered softly, his own heart aching in empathy.

“Good.”

For a long while they both sat there, until the silence was broken by the sound of someone hurrying down the trail. Chandler bristled slightly at the noise.

“What’d you do, tell half the village?” he accused half-heartedly, angrily wiping at his face in a vain attempt to hide the evidence that’d he’d spent most of the night in tears.

“It’s just Ryo,” Crian told him, not taking the brunette’s more characteristic pride to heart. If anything, it was a hopeful sign that the other man was still in there somewhere, if buried by grief. “I...wanted backup. Just in case.”

Even in the dim light, the relief was clear on the older mage’s face as he approached them. “Oh good; you’re both okay.”

“Thanks for coming, Ryo,” Crian told him with a wan smile. “Chandler, why don’t you come back with me, tonight? Stay the night at our place?” The brunette eyed him incredulously.

“I’m serious. We have an extra room. Maya can give you something to help you sleep, and then we can have breakfast in the morning, and you can see Naru.”

“I...don’t want to be a burden,” Chandler argued feebly.

“It’s no trouble,” Crian insisted. “Besides, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

At Chandler's continued hesitance, Ryo cleared his throat. "If I may," he said gently, "Don would want to know you were alright. Please Chandler, let us help. You don't have to go through this alone."

There was a long silence then. Crian was beginning to fear that Chandler would reject their attempts to reach out, when he heard an 'okay' uttered so softly that he wasn't sure it was real until it was confirmed by Ryo's sigh of relief.

"Alright; you ready to head back?" Crian asked, getting to his feet and offering a hand to Chandler. The brunette didn't accept it, which didn't come as much of a surprise, but he did pull himself to his feet. He looked so thin and weak that Crian feared he would stumble and fall over the edge, but Chandler simply turned and stepped away, towards Ryo and the path back to the village.

Crian and Ryo flanked him but were content to return in companionable silence. Chandler was exhausted and they instinctively knew that pressing him just then wouldn't do any good. Once they'd reached Crian's door, Ryo bid the two goodnight and insisted that they come get him if they needed anything.

Chandler hesitated visibly as they turned to go in, so Crian took the chance to put a hand on the other mage’s shoulder to gently guide him inside. Maya had waited in the living area for them and was quick to get to her feet to meet them. The air inside was warmed by a small fire in the hearth, which Crian was thankful for. The night air was still chilly at this time of year.

“Is everything okay?” Maya asked, looking relieved to see the two of them.

“Yeah,” Crian reassured her. “Would you mind making some of your sleeping tea for Chandler? I’m gonna set him up in the guest room.”

“Of course,” she was quick to agree, offering a small smile of welcome to the silent brunette before she headed for the kitchen.

In the meantime, Crian guided Chandler to a small room off the hallway and made sure the bedding was set up. For his part, Chandler remained ghostly silent, tolerating all the fuss only because he lacked the energy and will to refuse it at this point.

Maya joined them again a few minutes later, a steaming mug of amber liquid in her hands. “Get into bed, and sip it slowly,” she suggested. “It’s pretty strong.”

It only took a few minutes. Maya had been trying to fill the silence with idle, random bits of conversation, but as soon as she saw Chandler’s head start to dip down, she deftly rushed in to take the mug from his loosening grip, while Crian gently reached for the brunette’s shoulders to catch him and ease him backwards into the pillows. By the time they’d tucked the blankets up to his shoulders, Chandler’s eyelids had stopped fluttering and his breathing had evened out in a dreamless, herb-induced sleep.

Maya and Crian exchanged sad glances before quietly slipping out and leaving him to rest.

* * *

“You missed breakfast,” Crian informed Chandler the next morning as he brought in a tray. Chandler was sitting on the edge of the bed; he’d tried to fight off getting up as long as possible, finding sleep preferable to the constant ache in his chest and the sunlight outside that felt so utterly wrong.

It seemed his hosts had other plans.

“We saved some for you,” Crian went on, setting the tray down on the small table near the brunette. “The girls helped us make it, so you’d better eat up. Don’t want to disappoint them.”

Chandler eyed the tray’s contents; he knew he should be starving, but the desire to eat simply wasn’t there. When he noticed Crian wasn’t leaving, he realized he didn’t have much of a choice.

“There’s a bath ready for you too, once you’re done eating,” Crian added, looking a little relieved as the brunette selected a piece of toast to reluctantly nibble on. “Figured you’d want to clean up a bit, before you see Naru.”

Chandler cleared his throat slightly and nodded. “...yeah. Sounds good….thanks,” he managed, somewhat awkwardly.

Satisfied when he saw Chandler finish a slice of toast and start to work his way through the porridge, Crian left him alone.

When he went later to retrieve the tray, he was pleasantly surprised to see that Chandler had made a decent effort. The toast was gone, as well as most of the porridge and some of the egg. He’d left the sausage but in hindsight that might have been too much, with how long the brunette had gone without a real meal.

The biggest surprise came when Chandler emerged in the living area, clean and dressed in a spare set of clothes Maya had brought over for him. Crian hadn’t expected the brunette to reveal himself to Naru on his own, but when the little girl saw him and immediately ran to him with a tearful shout of "daddy", Chandler didn’t hesitate to kneel down and catch her in a hug. Stoically he held her as she wept. Out of respect, the other three moved to the kitchen to give the pair the semblance of privacy.

“I miss papa,” were the first clear words that Crian heard from the other room, followed by a fresh wave of sobbing from the little girl.

Chandler’s voice was low and thick, and shook with barely repressed tears of his own. “I know, kiddo. I miss him, too.”

At the sound of his wife's sniffle at the sink, Crian wordlessly went to Maya's side and wrapped his arms around her.


End file.
